Detailed in Connie Lynne’s newest book Beyond Failure
There is no perfect world, as most of us are well aware.
My Early Years…
My difficulties started early and so did my feelings of failure. I struggled in my early years with the basics, like breathing. Partly due to a speech impediment and undiagnosed dyslexia I was labeled learning disabled.
At that time, schools categorized children and placed them into separate classes. Because I had learning difficulties I was slower in comprehending basic things than ‘normal’ by the standards that the school system had in place…
…I felt flawed.
My childhood thoughts:
If they were better than me, I must be worse than them, if I was worse than them they must be worth more than me. Conclusion: if they were worth more than me, I must be…worthless!
This feeling of worthlessness continued throughout my childhood and into my adult life.
By the time I was 22 years old, I was 60 pounds heavier than I am today due to using food as one of my MANY methods of avoiding my negative feelings about myself.
People who feel inferior put up with behavior that others might not. I did not see my worth (like many of us) this sadly positioned me for attracting controlling people into my life, opening the door for abuse. When feelings of worthlessness overlap into controlling relationships, it can be deadly. I am one of the fortunate ones that were able to walk away, some aren’t so lucky.
Victim of Abuse…
Standing up for my rights was something I did not do, part of the reason for this; I didn’t know I had those rights. Not having a base of self-love to draw from I justified the abuse that I endured.
Sadly, when I was being physically and emotionally battered I didn’t recognize it for what it was. I never reported it because I didn`t label it as anything more than warranted treatment.
In complete openness, I was also too scared to speak of the secrets behind closed doors, I was ashamed.
I know now, it wasn’t my fault. However, at the time I felt that I had done things to cause this to happen, even though I did not have a clue what that was, I couldn’t face people if they knew.
I went from one form of abuse to another until I had enough, but not without its mark on my life. The bruises, broken bones and cuts that came along with my painful past have healed. Outwardly that is. Unfortunately, the scars and tormenting memories will never fully vanish. They never do.
My New Beginning…
The day I made the decision to take back my life I wrote The Storm – A poem about my feelings concerning surviving abuse and standing up for myself.
What’s wonderful about life is we are always given a chance to start again. Truth is: yesterday is gone and we have the moment, right now to make changes to alter our future.
When I came to the point where “enough was enough” I found the courage and the strength to break free from my own personal hell. Through my long and difficult journey towards freedom I gained incredible insight.
Ever since breaking free from my past I have a burning desire to free others. Shine the light of truth into the darkness.
When I started healing, I found it necessary to get very real and honest with myself. I allowed myself to emerge beyond the façade that had protected my frailty.
I wanted to stay away from anything that reminded me of that time, that hell. I thought I could move forward never to return to those shameful memories. I tried to bury and disguise my secret but they would not be hidden.
As time passed and life became my own I felt a need to reach out to those prisoners that were still locked within untold horrors of control and abuse. Initially, I did not want to do this; however, I saw no other option due to my relentless all-consuming passion.
You see, I had found a way out of my past imprisonment and desperately wanted to share the secret. In order to help the helpless I had to understand and dissect the means that I used to escape my own imprisonment.
My survival mechanism normally defaulted by not acknowledging reality, focusing on the good and ignoring the bad! Sadly, without full realization, I had put myself into the bad category. I started to write about my feelings and my story.
As I wrote and allowed myself to be part of my story, I saw a different Connie Lynne than what I had falsely accepted. I felt the pain of the labels and the self-hatred that followed… I saw the lie that I had bought into.
I wrote to save the lost souls that I wanted to reach…in doing so, I found and released myself!
Today and Tomorrow…
Over the years, I have reflected on my life and have such gratitude for everything I have experienced including some of the best and some of the most difficult experiences anyone could image. I am so happy to share my Gratitude List with you.
I have gained experience and insight to overcome my failures and I have used them to have my own Life’s Success!
In my wildest Dreams…
I couldn’t have imagined the freedom I possess today. I am no longer the person I once was, the past has disappeared and a brilliant future shines before me.
I have gained experience and insight to overcome my failures and used them to have my own Life’s Success!
My Wish is not just Inform but Transform
If I can do it… You can do it!